?

Log in

tamothy_17

Gabe had never even felt so many different emotions in his life, especially not all in one hit. The feelings were completely indescribable, it was way past resentment and any sort of hurt he’d felt before. No word could even come close to defining the way he was feeling. Gabe stood still, staring at nothing for nearly ten minutes, thinking about things that had been at the back of his head for what seemed like an eternity. It was only the fact he really needed the toilet that brought him back to reality. He wondered where William could’ve gone, then in an instant he knew and walked out of the bedroom. “Gabe, where the fuck are you going?” His mother demanded. “Out, Not that you’ve ever actually cared, I’ll be back when I’m back” Gabe spoke quietly, he was sick of yelling, he then shut the front door gently and he left.

 

Gabe stopped at a nearby service station and used the bathroom and bought a water to avoid conflict, Gabe was in no mood to be messed with. Gabe walked quickly, only one thing on his mind, William. Gabe wasn’t paying attention to where he was going and suddenly heard the screeching of tyres, he was knocked to the ground but the emotional pain was stronger than anything physical. He stood up and looked to see Nasty Nate in the passenger seat laughing his idiotic head off. Gabe just let it go and headed for the park. Gabe’s instincts had proven to be right thought William was there, in their secret hiding spot. They had played there since they could remember; nobody had ever been in their secret hiding place, not even Victoria. It was an incredibly special and significant place for the two of them and them alone.

 

Gabe sat down next to William, saying nothing. William leaned on Gabe’s should and instinctively Gabe placed his arm gently across Williams lower back. Gabe’s shirt slowly became dampened, not only from his tears, but Williams too. Suddenly William sat up and kissed Gabe, softly and then pulled away. Gabe put his hand around William’s neck and pulled him into a more hot and intense kiss. They continued to kiss, neither of them knowing where it was headed.

 

“So, where does this leave us? I mean… actually I don’t know what I mean” Gabe started, confusing himself more with every word. “Right now, that’s not of any importance, Gabe. We’re here in our place the rest of the world doesn’t matter right now. Let’s just talk.” William said, pulling Gabe into a warm hug.
 
 
Current Mood: goodgood
 
 
tamothy_17

“It’s your mum’s birth certificate, Bill” Gabe said, William started to read allowed, “Siblings: Patrick, Andrew, Phoebe. Gabe… Your mum, she’s not on here, which means, she-““she must have been adopted” Gabe said, finishing William’s sentence. They both stood staring at each other in shock. Gabe’s hands started to tremble a little. “Hey, it’s alright” William said, grabbing hold of Gabe’s hand. “It’s not that” Gabe started it’s just-“William stopped him; slowly pulling him into a soft kiss.

 

Gabe slowly pulled away wishing it could last forever, but knew that it couldn’t. “What does this mean?” Bill questioned, unsure. “I-I don’t really know what it means, I don’t know anything at all Bill” Gabe whispered, avoiding Williams eyes. They were both confused more than they’d been in their entire lives. William turned to leave but as he took his first step he felt a gentle grip on his left shoulder, he spun back around. “Don’t leave Bill, please” Gabe pleaded “I-I just need a moment to think, okay” William responded, turning back for the door. “Bill, I’ve have crushed on you since I can remember, I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t help myself. It was always meant to be” Gabe said, a couple of tears slowly running down his face. William nodded and walked out the shed door, feeling goose bumps appear as the chilly autumn breeze swept over him.

 

William didn’t know what to do, he was simply confused although wasn’t simple at all. Could it be possible that the boy of his dreams had been there the whole time, the boy he’d gotten on so well with for his whole life, could it actually happen? William went straight inside and went just as quickly through the front door and ran for the park, he crawled into a bush behind a massive palm tree and sat there. William started to think, about everything, was it meant to be, really?

 

By that stage Gabe was a crying mess on the shed floor, he didn’t know what to do. He stormed inside and slammed his mother’s bedroom door open. “Mum! Mum! FUCKING, WAKE UP!” Gabe screamed, he felt so much anger and hurt. She woke up and told him to get out, he ignored her. “Mum, please, tell me one thing.” He begged, “What do you want Gabe?” she answered in a daze, whether from alcohol or tiredness Gabe couldn’t tell. “Mum, look at me, in the eye and answer me, were you-““What Gabe?” his mother hollered, suddenly realising what he was about to ask. “-adopted. Mum, were you adopted?” Gabe finally spat out. “Yes” she answered simply, saying nothing more.
 
 
Current Mood: thirstythirsty
 
 
tamothy_17

William woke up early, not by his decision, but he was tossing and turning and bumped his head on Victoria’s coffee table. He decided he may as well get up since he’d had trouble sleeping all night. He stood up and stared at Victoria, she was beautiful. After a good ten minutes of staring at her seemingly flawless figure he was assured he was gay, he hadn’t had a single sexual thought about her or an urge to jump into her sleeping bag, like most guys would. He stopped staring and headed for the kitchen, knowing Victoria’s house almost as well as his own. He pulled out three spoon’s, glasses, bowls and placemats then grabbed out some cereal and orange juice and started to prepare breakfast. Soon enough Victoria and Gabe entered the kitchen, ready to eat.

 

Afterward they returned home to continue on with the shed, Gabe felt completely comfortable with William, now they were getting close again. They had made a lot of progress in the shed, they’d worked another three hours in the morning, Gabe realised how big it actually was and was glad to have William there helping him. Gabe was actually starting to get used to the idea of living out there, it wasn’t that bad and it didn’t appear to be haunted, like he’d thought as a young boy. William’s stomach suddenly grumbled and Gabe turned to him and they both giggled a little, Gabe’s mother must of heard it because a few minutes later she appeared, holding a plate of peanut butter and honey sandwiches.

 

After lunch, William and Gabe made a lot of conversation, the topics were pretty deep but they just chatted casually as if talking about the results of the weekend’s footy match; which of course Gabe couldn’t care less about. They asked each other question after question, neither of them feeling weird or even hesitating to answer. Things were normal again. William felt a lot easier being around Gabe, now that he had been honest and upfront about everything. It was like a great weight had been lifted off his scrawny shoulders, he liked it that way.

“Oh. My. Gosh.” Gabe said, in a voice higher pitched than he’d planned. “Holy shit, Bill, I think you probably should see this… seriously get your tiny ass over here, I’m not kidding around.” William laughed and tossed the ugly, green cushion he was holding onto an over used couch that was sunken in the middle. He then hurried toward Gabe, tripping over an extension cord and landing flat on what Gabe called his ‘tiny ass’ he burst out laughing and Gabe shot him a look that said; not now. William jumped up and started to read over Gabe’s shoulder.


 
 
Current Mood: happyhappy
 
 
tamothy_17

“Where are we actually going?” William questioned. “No where in particular, just… walking.” Gabe answered with a smile. “Gabe, listen…” William started, “Don’t lecture me; please I don’t need it, Bill.” Gabe said, stopping him before he could start anything.

“It’s not that Gabe. I… look up to you so much, seriously. Gabe, can I tell you something?” William asked shyly. Gabe wondered what he could possibly have to ask that he could be so nervous about.

“Umm, sure” Gabe replied nervously. “It’s just, err… Gabe, I’m umm… I’m gay too.” William responded, trying to sneak a look at Gabe’s reaction, without making eye contact. “I know” Gabe answered, trying to look into William’s eyes to show that he understood and more importantly, to show he cared.

 

Gabe didn’t really know for sure but he always had his suspicions.

Gabe knew William had been on a fair few dates, he also knew William was a virgin but what he didn’t know was every date William went on, he made up a lame excuse to get out of kissing the girl. He always said something like “babe, I’ve got a cold” or “not on the first date” to avoid getting too close. William wanted nothing more than to be straight, for his whole life, but now he was finally coming to terms with it. He hoped his cousin would help him get through it all.

 

“B-but how?” William stuttered. Gabe brushed off the question, knowing that deep down the answer didn’t matter and simply asked William if he wanted to get some lunch. After lunch they headed to the park and just talked, about nothing in particular, just life in general. Gabe knew he had his true cousin back, the one he had so much respect for and cared about more than anyone.

 

“Who was that?” William asked after Gabe pulled his mobile out of his pocket, slid it open and replied to a text message. “Oh, just Vicky, what do you say to a movie night tonight? We can give the shed a break for today”, “Sure” William answered, grinning. They casually dawdled to Victorias place and Gabe rang his mother to let her know where they were. Of course they had an argument on the phone but Gabe was fine after he hung up. Gabe went into Victoria’s kitchen to make popcorn and get them all a drink, while he was gone William and Victoria started to chat a little. “What ever happened between Gabe and you?” She asked, “You were so close and then you just stopped coming up to stay” William thought for a minute, “I don’t know what happened but to be honest with you, Vicky, it’s in the past and I'm here now” He answered, hoping she had no more questions. Gabe walked back into the room, cheerfully tossing the two of them a can of coke and he sat down between them. “I love you guys” he said and hit play on the DVD remote.


 
 
Current Mood: hothot
Current Music: My iPod Died.
 
 
tamothy_17
24 February 2009 @ 06:18 pm
Gabe and William agreed to call it a night. They had been working solid for hours on end and were both exhausted. William called first shower and Gabe let him, too tired to fight for it. Gabe was still angry at William but even angrier at himself for letting their friendship drift apart over the years. He was one of the only people Gabe felt he could truly trust, once upon a time. Gabe felt bad for getting so fired up at William earlier, he knew it wasn’t his fault nobody believed him. He decided to let him sleep on the bed and he took the mattress on the floor. “Thanks man!” William said cheerfully, trying to put their day behind him. William had always been so good at making things better.

 

In the morning Gabe’s mother came in, opening the curtains, offering the two of them pancakes for breakfast, wine in hand as usual. “Morning Aunt Kat, I’d love pancakes, thanks” William half smiled, still drowsy. “Great! me too, Gabe’s going to make them, aren’t you Gabe?” She spoke in a quiet but firm tone, trying to play happy family, again. “Huh? What? Umm sure” Gabe agreed, avoiding an argument. They walked slowly down the stairs, eyes still half closed. William tripped down but Gabe grabbed his t-shirt in record time and stopped him from falling. William turned around and gave Gabe a genuine smile. Gabe smiled back, he felt appreciated for the first time in along while.

 

After breakfast, Gabe announced that he was taking William out. William had no idea where they were going, he just agreed with his friendly smile. Gabe’s mum called out “Don’t be too long” pretending to care as they left. Gabe turned around and stepped back inside the door, “we’ll take as long as we need and you really shouldn’t be drinking at this hour, especially when you are pregnant, or did you forget you’re pregnant like you forget everything else?!” Gabe yelled angrily. “I know I'm pregnant, but it’s your fault I drink, Gabe!’ she shot back at him. “Are you for real? It’s my fault? How exactly? I make you pancakes for breakfast and you thank me by blaming me for you being an alcoholic. That works huh!” Gabe yelled, slamming the door behind him and leaving with William.

 

“Dude, I never realised things were so bad… you know with you and your mum. I’m really sorry about giving you a hard time yesterday. I miss you, the way things used to be.” Gabe didn’t say anything, he knew saying something would spoil the moment; he simply stopped walking and pulled William into a firm but soft hug. After a minute or so they both let go at the same time, as if it was rehearsed. They both let out a little giggle and smiled at each other. They knew things were going to change here, they wouldn’t get back to normal but they were definitely changing.


 
 
Current Mood: fullfull
 
 
 
tamothy_17

Nearly four hours had passed in the shed; neither of them had spoken a word since their disagreement. It was easy for Gabe to ignore William; he was angry and didn’t want a conversation. William on the other hand, found it a little harder; he secretly looked up to Gabe a lot. Nobody knew it, but William was gay too. He just never had the guts to tell anybody.

 

William hated the idea of being gay; he tried hard to convince himself he wasn’t. He was quite popular at school, not just for his looks but he was genuinely nice. All the girls wanted him. William had been out on dates with several girls, the kiss at the end is what made him feel uneasy. The girls were just convinced he was playing hard to get, but he knew otherwise. Knowing Gabe was gay made it so much harder for him to get the idea out of his head. Gabe was treated so badly and it was unfair but William didn’t want to be treated the same way.

 

Gabe suddenly stopped midway through sorting a box and looked at William. “What ever happened between us, man?” he questioned his eyes glassy with tears. William was unsure how he was supposed to answer the question; he just stood up and sat down next to Gabe. They sat silently looking at each others trembling hands. They were both crying a little and trying not to show it. The silence would have been awkward for most people, in most situations but this silence said more than any words could have. Gabe’s mother walked in, she was always good at ruining things. “We’re having pizza for tea, what would you hard-working fella’s like, tonight?” she asked with a fake smile and a half empty glass of wine in her hand. Gabe looked at her in disbelief; how she could just play happy family when William was around was beyond him. “Umm… I’ll have whatever Gabe wants” William piped up, with an awkward smile. Gabe’s mother looked toward Gabe, still with her stupid, fake smile that angered him so much. “I don’t mind Mum, whatever you choose; Hawaiian is good if you like?” He said it actually not caring trying to put on a smile.  He knew if he didn’t choose he would be yelled at, like usual.

 

Gabe hated talking to his mother; sometimes he would rather just being yelled at rather than having to force a smile. Life would be a lot easier once Gabe was in the shed, well Gabe hoped so. He couldn’t handle it. His mother didn’t ever know of the Overdose, he simply told her he wasn’t feeling well, not that she cared.

 
 
Current Mood: amusedamused
 
 
tamothy_17
24 February 2009 @ 06:15 pm

Gabe had always wondered why his sexuality was such a big deal. It’s not like he ever tried anything with anybody. Gabe just always tried his best to be ignored but Nate made sure that it didn’t happen. Nate used every excuse he could to hurt Gabe, emotionally and physically. Gabe could start his day normally and sometimes even happily and Nate would find a way to ruin it. On most mornings Nate would walk into Gabe and yell something like “watch where you’re going, you fucking faggot” making sure all the kids heard, but never in ear shot of a teacher. Day after day Gabe felt horrible and out of place.

 

There were only two things holding Gabe together, his music and Victoria. She meant everything to Gabe and more. She’d saved his life, literally. Gabe had suicidal thoughts from the age of eleven and the day of his fourteenth birthday he decided to do something about those thoughts. Victoria had just rang and cancelled on him. They were going to bake a cake for his birthday because his mother was out of town. What fourteen-year-old would want to spend his birthday alone?

As soon as he hung up the phone he burst out in tears. It hurt him so bad. She didn’t even sound like she cared how much she had let him down.

 

Gabe knew it was his time. It felt right. He had been sitting at his kitchen table staring at the cake ingredients. For half an hour, bawling his eyes out. He headed upstairs, determined to leave his terrible life. He went and took one last look at himself in his full length mirror. He stared hard at himself. He wasn’t that bad looking, a little scrawny, maybe but he had nice brown eyes and the kind of tan that most of the “barbies” at his school would kill for. “It’s time to go you pathetic loser” he mumbled to himself, still crying not even attempting to wipe away his tears.

 

He walked to the bathroom, knowing his mother had sleeping pills hidden behind the toilet. He stared at the container, telling himself it was the right thing to do. Nobody wanted him in the horrible world, not even Victoria. He decided even leaving a suicide note was pointless because nobody mattered anymore, nobody. He thought to himself for a minute, he suddenly gripped the sleeping pill bottle tighter and walked hurriedly to the kitchen. He grabbed a can of Sunkist from the fridge, his favourite then opened it. He unscrewed the lid of the pills and poured them into his hand. He started with 2, 3, 9 then 14 and soon he was on the ground.

 

“Gabe, Gabe, where are you?” Victoria called out, confused. She’d been at the door for about 5 minutes knocking, she decided to sneak out and surprise him because she felt so bad her mother wouldn’t let her out.  She noticed it was open and let her self in... “GABE! GABE! ARE YOU OKAY? GABE WAKE UP!” she screamed frantically. She picked up the phone and punched in the emergency number. “I-I-I don’t know he’s, floor, pills, floor, Gabe!” Victoria repeated, not managing full sentences. The lady on the other end told her to calm down. “Just hurry, please, hurry!” Victoria begged.

After she’d hung up the phone she crouched down to Gabe and put her hand on his face. “Please, Gabe, you can do this, please just wake up.” She gently rocked him, holding him by the shoulders, still nothing. Tear after tear dropped onto Gabe’s cheeks, Victoria hadn’t even noticed she was crying until she saw a tear roll off his face down his neck.

 

In the emergency room Victoria was asked so many questions but she was hardly able to speak. She was told that Gabe’s stomach had been pumped and they wouldn’t know the outcome. She sat at his side, holding his hand talking to him, bringing up memories. Once she had heard that people in comas could hear you so she figured it must be worth a try.


 
 
Current Mood: boredbored
Current Music: G.I.N.A.S.F.S - Fall Out Boy
 
 
tamothy_17
24 February 2009 @ 06:14 pm

Gabe knew he was different from most other boys right from a young age. He was about three when he realised he’d much rather have a Barbie than a toy car, and knew he’d definitely choose singing and dancing over kicking the footy any day. He’d always been the outcast at school, with nearly no friends. Nasty Nate made sure that Gabe felt horrible and out of place every minute he spent there. Gabe desperately wanted to move school but his mother and father wouldn’t allow it, they simply told him to toughen up.

 It was one day in grade six that he realised exactly how he was different, with some help of Nasty Nate of course. A new boy, Alexandro Francisco Suarez something a rather that he had introduced himself as, sending the whole class into giggles and then said “Just call me Alex”, brushing of the laughter. Alex had invited Gabe to play footy, even though he hated football he couldn’t say no to such a gorgeous face and it was a chance to make some friends.

Gabe was playing and actually doing well until Alex decided to tackle him, they both wound up on the floor in fits of laughter. Everything was okay until Gabe stood up and Nasty Nate hollered at him “Hey Gabriella what’s in your pants. Did Alex go a little hard on you?” followed by a roar of laughter from all the kids that surrounded him. Gabe peeked down and saw what was in his pants, or not so much. He instantly turned and ran for the bathroom trying his hardest to not cry in front of anybody.

“You are simply the biggest jerk on the face of the planet!” squealed Victoria in Nasty Nate’s face and with that she pushed him, one hard push straight in his chest and he landed flat on his rear. She stormed off and ran straight for the bathroom, not caring if people laughed at her for entering the boy’s room. Victoria never cared what people thought about her and Gabe admired her so much for that. Victoria took one look at Gabe and threw her arms around him and gave him the biggest hug he ever had, simply because she knew that was all her best friend needed.


 
 
Current Mood: hothot
Current Music: Love Lockdown - Patrick Stump Cover
 
 
tamothy_17
24 February 2009 @ 06:09 pm

“This is so unfair!” William exclaimed. “Why do I have to clean out your fucking shed?”

“Well to start with, you don’t, we both do and be grateful because you’re getting paid so quit your complaining!” snapped Gabe.

“Wait, what? So you aren’t getting paid for this, but I am?” William asked with a confused look across his face.

“No! I’m not it’s my “punish-“

”Oh, yeah your punishment for the whole gay phase thing, right?” questioned William uneasily, cutting Gabe off slightly.

“IT’S NOT A FUCKING; it-it’s not a phase alright. There’s no way I’m screwing some chick, not now, not in ten years, not ever! Why will nobody take me seriously with this?” Gabe said, slightly calming his tone.

Gabe felt gutted that nobody would believe him about his sexuality, it’s not like it was a choice he had made. He didn’t wake up one morning and decide he liked boys. Gabe was gay and he didn’t mind it being like that. William could see it in Gabe’s eyes just how hurt he was about not being taken seriously.

“I’m sorry, I-I just thought” started William in a comforting tone.” I really don’t care what you thought, Bill. I’m gay and that’s how it’s going to be, so live with it or fuck off, alright?” Gabe shot back angrily.” Okay, I’m sorry man. You um... need some help with that cupboard or what?”  William asked trying to change the subject.

Gabe didn’t know how he was expected to spend the entire week with his cousin William when he knew he doubted him so much. Gabe could never figure out what happened between the two of them. They were so close as young boy’s now they’ve grown apart a lot, even more so after Gabe’s “coming out”. Gabe knew deep down that most people hated him; he knew that even if his mum wasn’t expecting a baby he’d still be banished to the shed. The only person he could ever rely on one hundred percent was his best friend, Victoria.

 
 
Current Mood: sicksick
Current Music: Fall Out Boy - The (Shipped) Gold Standard